I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
