life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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