She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
