do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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