Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're like the curious george of whores
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
