I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
