i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
as a side note pls kill me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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