Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
