yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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