Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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