State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
