Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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