Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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