toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
operation have a gay friend backfired
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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