I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think weed is turning my hair brown
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
