I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
