so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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