just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
