You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Slut skills are useful in every country.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You took a bar mat shot.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
