you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
