Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.

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  (805): I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on. http://tfl.nu/fosj
  Replies (8) Good night (4107) Bad night (1012)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids

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  (217): he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids http://tfl.nu/l2up
  Replies (12) Good night (1170) Bad night (4565)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.

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  (940): Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him. http://tfl.nu/o9z5
  Replies (10) Good night (990) Bad night (3517)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.

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  (919): Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar. http://tfl.nu/xoz4
  Replies (3) Good night (2736) Bad night (971)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.

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  (847): she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay. http://tfl.nu/cwvk
  Replies (4) Good night (804) Bad night (3046)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.

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  (517): I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole. http://tfl.nu/6med
  Replies (3) Good night (1117) Bad night (1901)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.

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  (716): i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man. http://tfl.nu/v8cz
  Replies (6) Good night (2129) Bad night (920)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".

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  (647): A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe". http://tfl.nu/rgh4
  Replies (6) Good night (1341) Bad night (2066)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.

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  (316): I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device. http://tfl.nu/lmjt
  Replies (4) Good night (1618) Bad night (531)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.

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  (480): I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other. http://tfl.nu/zykp
  Replies (12) Good night (1155) Bad night (639)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.

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  (602): But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at. http://tfl.nu/pftw
  Replies (2) Good night (873) Bad night (436)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him

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  (801): NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him http://tfl.nu/eloy
  Replies (7) Good night (1833) Bad night (439)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."

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  (937): Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals." http://tfl.nu/wo3q
  Replies (4) Good night (706) Bad night (331)
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  (831): View more from California

  just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.

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  (831): just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal. http://tfl.nu/1l64
  Replies (3) Good night (230) Bad night (336)
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  (415): View more from California

  Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.

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  (415): Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth. http://tfl.nu/zrpp
  Replies (1) Good night (234) Bad night (387)

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