so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
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multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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