: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.