You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize