I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
