By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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