I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hippo gnu deer
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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