In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
