If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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