Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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