Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
