he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
