How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
