shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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