It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
