At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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