How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
