Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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