I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
