he wants to bone in the snuggie
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize