Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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