wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
