How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize