found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
