I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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