i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
