Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
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I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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