Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
