it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
