I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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