I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Did I show you my penis last night?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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