One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
