please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Randomize
