you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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