party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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