Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
