Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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